Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
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