I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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