She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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