My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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