i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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