now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
