Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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