last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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