You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
