her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Found the puke drawer
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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