I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
