I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
