can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
