He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
