I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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