I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
