ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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