Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
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Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
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When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He has the fingertips of a God
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