Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
