You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
