What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
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