these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
