Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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