yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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