I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
