Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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