some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
