They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
