Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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