i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
