I just pynch a tree in the face
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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