I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
