It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
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