If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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