I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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