Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
