don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
