Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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