I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
