Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
