census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
3 2 1 whiskey
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
why is half of my head shaved?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
