I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
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