Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
