Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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