I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
