a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
