So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Randomize
