Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
