He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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