A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
