I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
