when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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