I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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