he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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