I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
