It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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