Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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