She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Im part way to drunk.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
