I have demons in me.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize