YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
