i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
