I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
