Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize