Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
