brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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