I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
