i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
