im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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