marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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