Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
