Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
