Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
