So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
