Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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