I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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