i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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